you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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