Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she pinky promised me she was 18
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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