I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
