I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
