honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize