last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
