She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
