Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
whose parrot is this?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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