I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
