I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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