So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
