just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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