weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
