she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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