Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so let's talk penis.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
