I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
