literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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