Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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