My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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