I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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