Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
