So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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