ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
