i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
