When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
