I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
