so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
