white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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