I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
