Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
