That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
