If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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