I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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