I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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