so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
