In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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