sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
