I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
