You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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