So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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