You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
