And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
