Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
