What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
