dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
