i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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