You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
