remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
