he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
