I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
