I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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