The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
