she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
