Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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