I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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