KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
