idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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