Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
