Already got asked if we're dating
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
